It wasn’t easy to forget there was a war going on, not even in the spring. And when you did forget for a moment or two a police tank, or some kind of super cop in riot gear would round the corner, if just to keep you on your toes. But Joe belonged to a class of criminals that kept off the street on sunny spring mornings, unless there was some sort of outstanding reason to get up before noon. Even when he woke early, like if he had to catch up on some stuff around the house, he would hold tight at home with the curtains drawn and a lamp on. At night it just seemed easier to accept the things that went on outside. So this was an exceptional spring morning that found our hero at a sidewalk cafe, pondering his future. He loved the feeling of the warm air and had to wonder: how could the warm wind always be different, yet always feel so good?
Joe watched as a film noir preacher in a black coat took a seat at the table next to him.
“Fine day,” said the preacher.
“A fine day, indeed,” said Joseph, suddenly feeling silly. Who says that anymore?
“Are you a student?” People were always asking him that.
“No,” Joe replied. “I’m making a list.”
“A shopping list?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Grocery shopping,” the man offered.
Joe sighed. “No, I am trying to organize my life.”
He had to decide… did he really want to open up to this guy? “Open up” was to strong a word, perhaps. Joe had never “opened up” to anyone in his life, and he sure as hell wasn’t about to start with a pervert in a funny looking coat…
“You know,” Joe continued. “I just have to find a job or save some money or something.”
“Well, what do you do?”
“I’m a writer…”
“What kind of stuff?”
“Short stories, science fiction, broadsides, polemics…”
Joe introduced himself to the pervert, whose name was Shem. It didn’t look like Shem was violent or on the make (if for just that instant), so he relaxed a bit. It turned out that both Joseph and Shem’s daughter had spent some time in Providence, Rhode Island.
“My current book,” Shem said, “is about prosperity. It might be just what you need… making money through solid spiritual principles. There is a sample chapter on my website.”
Rev. Shem Lambeth handed Joe his business card.
Shem then went on to discuss the Golden Rule, the Golden Ration and a sure-fire method for winning the Lotto, The Pick 4 and the Cash 5… all based on sound biblical principles. Of course.
It was then that Joe noticed that the disheveled reverend was wearing alligator shoes.
“The chapter on my website is about humility. Realize that you haven’t done a thing… it is all a part of His plan…”
With this, he gestures skywards, and continues: “Only he can find you a woman, save your job, get you a promotion.”
“But what about that bit about the poor being blessed?”
“Oh, we can split nails all day, but the fact is that the best way to help the poor is to not be poor yourself. And was it not written in the book of Malachi: ‘Bring all the tithes into the storehouse … and try Me now in this,’ says the Lord of hosts. ‘If I will not for you open the windows of heaven and pour out for you such blessing that there will not be room enough to receive it’?”
“Can you really sell your soul?” asked Joe.
“No, that’s a myth.” Shem replied, testily.
“So, you couldn’t tell me what it’s worth?”
-
Pittsburgh, PA.
May 3, 2007.
Filed under: As advertised on Myspace, Joey's In America
